Let's get physical

I've been working out hard this week, I'm starting to make progress on building up some muscle and getting those good ripped abs I've always wanted. I now have a personal trainer and he has devised a good but tough workout (made me sick last week, oops). My gf even mentioned this week my bum is looking cuter every day.
This week I have learnt:

• eating bananas helps get rid of that sick feeling you get after a hard workout (something to do with the alkaline balancing the acid you produce by over doing it)
• lifting too much weight makes your elbows hurt

My embarrassing crush

I have this crush on this woman from work. She works in a different location and she is so very beautiful. We had a team meeting last week with drinks afterwards. She was there, as always looking gorgeous and stunning.

The scenario:

1. We all went to the bar for drinks
2. At the bar she placed her hand on my shoulder (for slightly longer than necessary)
   
3. She asked if I wanted a drink
4. I smiled and accepted and we talked for a while. She laughed, I laughed
   
5. I stumbled over my words, I was nervous, I was trying to be funny and charming
6. Other people arrived and we were separated

So here is the scenario again but this time the reality(I suspect):

1. We all went to the bar for drinks
2. She put her hand on my shoulder because she is a) a normal tactile woman, b) wanted to get my attention. Her hand was on my shoulder longer than normal IN MY HEAD ONLY!
3. She asked me if I wanted a drink - the drinks were free, she was being polite
   
4. I smiled and accepted. She talked for a while, I rambled incoherantly.
   
5. I laughed nervously, she laughed nervously looking around for help. She thinks I'm a joker with a speech impediment
6. Other people did arrive, she was saved
   

Exercise makes you hotter

Recently I've been working like a dog (thanks boss) and working out like mad Lizzie on speed. Why is the saying about working like a dog? Every dog I know are lazy gits that sleep all day!

I've moved on from Davina and her workout video (although thanks Davina for introducing me to getting fit earlier this year), I recently discovered the bodyrock.tv workouts. Damn that Zuzana woman is so fit (in all possible ways), her workouts beat the shit out of me. Last week I had to go to bed for an hour after one of her brutal full body workout.

However one of her articles "Get fit and have better sex" did make me think and posed the question:

Is exercise the reason for my over active libido?

Don't get me wrong, I was highly sexed before the exercise but just didn't think of it as much as I do this year. I think perhaps it may also be by-product of not getting any, but I haven't had any at home for years so that throws that theory out. So perhaps there is some truth in exercise makes you hotter.

Sex fiend or not?

So men are supposed to, on average, think about sex every 52 seconds and for women it crosses their mind once a day. Does that sound about right? Well I can't answer for the boys but for me I reckon I think about it about 20 times a day (I'm averaging it out as some days I am busier than others)

So does that mean:
a. I'm a sex fiend who is miles more sexually aware than other women?
b. the survey was just wrong?
c. the women they surveyed lied?
d. lesbians think about sex more?
d. none of the above?

I wandered lonely as a .....

Thursday I went out for a very civilized dinner with work colleagues. Actually a bit too civilized. Don't get me wrong I love going out for dinner however dinner to me should be a more intimate occasion. I think bars and pubs work for groups of friends or work colleagues, dinner should be for one on one, ideally with that special person. Perhaps I'm just being over-sensitive. Anyhow, this night I was under no illusion, my team invited me so I could pay the bill, I didn't mind, they deserved a night out.

The restaurant was in the basement, jam packed full of long tables and seats you feel trapped in (not my idea of fun at all). The waitress woman was very cute though. She kept smiling at me with "take me away from all this" written all over her face. The place was absolutely boiling, full of drunk people demanding the moon on a stick and to boot she was made to dress up in some dumb ass monk's outfit, like wearing a blanket in a sauna. Continually she wiped perspiration off her brow and looked up for divine intervention, bless her.

My plan was to escape from my table by jumping over the 4 seated people next to me, help her undress out of her costume, grab her hand and whisk her away into the cool night air. Ok so I didn't. Instead I just smiled back sympathetically while my crowd demanded more moons.

We left and everyone went there separate ways. I wasn't ready to go home yet instead I wandered the streets of Soho and Charing Cross meandering through the revellers leaving their bars, dancing arm and arm, holding each other up, arguing, kissing, puking, singing, shouting. It was at that point a deep sense of loneliness washed over me. I forgot just how isolating a crowded London night can make one feel.

If I were a Boi. Beyonce you have a lot to answer for

So let me just get it out there...

I was told, I quote "You are very handsome"by this girl on Gaydar.

My response was bumbling and sounded something like Hugh Grant's character in Love Actually when his secretary calls his love, Martine Mcclutchiflip's character, "plump".

Ooooooooo would we say that? Hmmmm handsome do we really think so?

To be honest I didn't take it well and now am wondering why I have taken it so badly, I can't stop thinking about it. Does it attack my feminity that I thought I ooozed? Is it because I now have short hair and some people are just short sighted? Does being called handsome mean I look like a bloke? Does that mean I'm not sexy anymore? Argghhhh so many questions.

I think it may take time for me to come to terms with this - I feel like I've been tangoed but just never saw it coming . In fact for the first time in a long time I don't feel confident about how I look, how I'm percieved and who I actually am. So silly isn't it? The butterfly effect, one tiny comment has such a huge impact on a person.

and... relax

Bad couple of days in the office, they are working me way too hard!

Something puzzling me - am I just talking to the wrong women or are some lesbians these days just a little bit uptight? I mean why is life more serious than ever before? Life is better surely - less homophobia in the world, more choices, Keira Knightley is in our lives.









So to all those uptight ladies out there here are my tips:

1. Chill out, don't over analyse every word that is said
2. Even if you don't get it laugh along with my jokes (they're funny god damn it)
3. Not all bisexual women are sporned from the devil - give them a break
4. Smile - it doesnt crack your tough exterior. Here's the revelation, it makes you more approachable
   
5. Not everything is a direct personal attack on you, your sexual orientation or women in general
6. Stop whining, its not attractive
7. You don't need to remind me you have feelings, trust me I know!!

Exercise: None (excuse work shit)
Last Cigarette: Jan 2009
Last Sex: June 2009